I've never felt this before in my entire 16years of life! It's 'cause , I don't even know what to feel nowadays. I feel so lost. Idk , what's wrong from right or right from wrong anymore! My feelings , their just, so confused and lost. I'm feeling so oblivious from the world around me. I'm not so sure who to trust anymore or whatever other crap. I haven't been crying in weeks lately, and that's the worst part, it's weird. I've always been able to cry atleast, twice or thrice a week! But now, no more. No tears are streaming down my face. Am I , considered happy if I'm not crying anymore? Or isit just that, 'cause I don't care what's happening at the world around me? I hope it's not that tho, I don't want that. But I can bet that, it's surely a valuable reason or whatsoever.

Second thing is, my feelings, their, unexplainable anymore. I can't tell who I really love anymore. Is it true that I've really moved on or .. just not wanting to let go at all? Idk, but, I've been thinking alot lately, truely alot! This big question has been bugging my mind all week that caused a lil bit of insomnia. Anyway, my conscious suddenly asked me this, do you really love him? Or is it the other him which has been there beside me all the time. The one who's been there with me through thick and thin, not caring how I look like or not caring what I do or say, that he wouldn't get or even feel offended. The one who's been willing to talk to me eventho he's already fast asleep and supposed to talk for only half an hour but ended up talking an hour plus. The one who asked you out when nobody did. The one who made you happy when you felt like crap, deep shit. The one who didn't need any effort to make you smile and laugh eventho you didn't even wanna talk about anything. The one who listened to all your problems and make it sound as tho it's gone while he changes the subject and tells you what he loves to eat in a random way. The one who lend you his shoulder for you to cry on when you were severely hurt. The one who carried you in his arms when you fell. The one who laughed along at everything you say tho it's not funny, but laughed along 'cause he thinks your laugh is hilarious. The one who shared the same secrets and common interests. The one who would do anything to go out with you. The one who would be so patient to teach you bball tho you're an amatuer. The one who would be straight forward and honest with you. The one who would be the most loyal friend to you. The one whom you could trust whole heartedly and tell him anything and he would definately be there to lend you a listening ear. The one who made sure whether you arrived safely in Europe during the holidays. The one who tried to call twice and sent you a text to ask whether you're doing good there or whether you've reached. The one who wanted to call you when you were in Europe but couldn't due to lack of credit. The one who hugged you when you were shock and fear. The one who made your childhood dreams of your perfect prince to come true. The one who showed you love, care, loyalty and happiness. The one, who showed you truelove . The one who showed you, and let you feel, how truelove is, and what's it about. The one, who was willing to do anything to help you get outta any mess you've made and any lie you've told. The one, who smiled at you when the whole world was gone.

Is this guy you love? Or the one whom you've been with for quite a long time? Which is it ? I wouldn't know. Because, I'm afraid to know the truth anymore. That's why, you've been popping into my mind a few times this week and your prescene in her world, has affected me.