Sunday, June 5, 2011
It's coming down .
So, tell me; have you ever felt this way before? Everytime when someone asks you how are you, you just say 'I'm fine' for the sake of saying it, and then later on cry when you go home.
So why did I drown ?
So what if I said that, I might maybe be starting to fall for you? Even if its JUST a little bit. I'm not sure, I'm still thinking about it. Cos the last thing I want is another failed friendship, but yet, I just want you. And I really like hangin' out with you, so then why? Why am I so afraid of you? I get jealous sometimes, yes; I understand that you've been friends with her longer than me, so I don't say anything. And yet, what's happening between the both of us?
I listened to my friend, but I don't know what to believe except for myself. I need to start believing myself & my feelings. Thing is, I don't know what the hell is happening now. I'm still just stuck , thinking.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
But so very lovely, made from love .
Okay, so, I think there's something wrong with me. Hmm, first of all, I get mad fast these days. Okay, ever since holidays started I've been like that, why? This is so weird, then one of my friend asked me whether there's anything bothering me that's why I'm acting like that? Well, come to think of it, I don't think there was anything bothering me at all.
Then today, I thought of it again, and I think there is something bothering me! It's, him. Well idk, I just feel so fustrated when I think of him sometimes. Not that I think of him that much, but yeah I do. And guess what? I hate it.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
My destiny .
Dear Tumblr, you have made my life better and made me feel special. Ever since I found you last year you have been a blessing to me :) you cheer me up all the time with your ridiculous photos and pretty pictures. Tumblr, if it weren't for you, I'd still be sulking all the time. So thank you for coming into my life. Iloveyoutumblr :D. Nyahahahaha .
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Would you know ?
I'm very sure that all this, everything that's happening right now, has everything to do with you. You made my life sucha miserable threat. Ohgosh, I really hope for you to just leave me alone. You cause nothing but trouble after we stopped talking. You are such an ungrateful little thing, yet, I still care and love you . What's wrong with me?
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Face to face, and heart to heart.
Once you've fallen in love, there's no easy way of getting back up.
You've just gotta take control of your own life, and make sure that when you fall tell yourself its only a slip and then get back up.
Random lah, Random :)
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Three lil birds sat on my window and told me that I don't need to worry .
You were all I had. I liked you so much, more than I've liked any other guy. I don't know what's so special about you, but somehow I just keep falling harder for you every single day. What IS IT about you that I like so much? You're just another guy, nothing more. But why? Why you? When I already prepared my heart to shatter as I know what type of guy you are.
You shouldn't have treated me so well, you shouldn't have told me your secrets, you shouldn't have tried to hug me or even kiss me when you did. I trusted you, I thought that maybe you'd have changed your mind a lil about me. But instead you went ahead and told me that we should stop talking so much and move on with each other's lives. But what's the use? I've already fallen for you, hard.
Do you know how hard it has been for me since you left me stranded here? Nope, I don't think so. But just so you know, I still like you. I have ALWAYS liked you.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Boy, you know you got me gone.
Choose your companions with the right attitude , or else you'll end up with companions as rotten as your attitude.
So is this the part where I tell you how much I love you again? Even if I do, I wouldn't. Because , I already fell in love with another. And no matter how much I don't wanna tell this guy, I still wouldn't tell you either.
How am I supposed to tell this guy that I love him already and not like him? And that I enjoy every single moment together with him. No matter where we are, I still enjoy my time as long as his by my side. He might be younger than me by 2 years but he's maturity level is better than other 15 year olds. This is not an insult, I'm just saying this because I wanna show you how different he is! And why do I like him? Why did I choose him? I also don't know why.
Love works in different ways, and one of them is when you fall in love with the weirdest guys or the younger guys and you don't even know why!
Maybe, I say maybe, this might be called true love.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Looks like a solo tonight .
Sometimes , when things doesn't seem so right , its always good to look for a friend to talk to and laugh with or just have a good night's rest. Because, when you're stressed out, nothing else will go right. Everything will just be as messed up as it is right now.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Apoogise or not ?
No matter what happens , you'll somehow feel alone and insecure.
Even if you feel lonely, you still have no right to blame others what's happening to you. This is because, in the first place you should've came to us first and talked to us before saying or doing anything. And now, all this has happened. You've put me in a dangerous position of whether I wanna be your friend and face this kind of crap if you happen to be like this again.
I really don't know anything anymore. Because the last thing I want is another argument and heartbreak full of words from any of us. I don't care, I just care for my friends. And you were my friend, that's why I really care. But somehow you just don't see it, or maybe I'm just not showing enough. I don't know what I should do now. I haven't even replied your text yet.
God, Lord Father, please tell me what to do. I am at a lost for words and I really wanna reply her text. Amen.
Monday, March 21, 2011
So, what's your story?
Hi ya'll! I'm back to update like, again after Idk how many months or weeks, ahahah! (:
Well, today's update is just gonna be really simple as I've got some feelings to spill it out tonight. Heh.
What am I going to right now? I don't know anymore. Maybe I should just stop all this and start thinking straight for once! Which is, I'm guessing, kindda highly impossible for a person like me.
I like him, I really do like him. But somehow its like now after I've spilled out my secret to a couple of my friends, I suddenly don't wanna talk to him anymore OR maybe even don't wanna see him. But at the end of the day, I miss him. 爱一个人真的很辛苦。
Especially when he has so much difference from you. And you just gotta know him more and befriend him. But without knowing the consequences at the end of the day as well. That there might be a BIG chance that you'd fall for him, and fall hard. Then, in the end, just wanna give up but refuse to because at that time you've already thrown in too much of yourself towards him. That's how I'm feeling right now, that's how I'm feeling. For the whole day, but I don't want to act weird around him as well, it'll be too obvious.
But when can I tell him that I have strong feelings for him? After I've finished thinking about all this? Yes. And then I'll spill out the story to him from beginning till end? No. I don't wanna lose this special friendship I have with him. But seriously, for my wish this year, God, I only ask for his understanding and pray that he'll be open enough to maybe find the heart to accept me and give me a chance. Then I can show him how much he really means to me, and then maybe, I can start giving myself some confidence boost for relationships as I've lost too much in the past year. I will stand up again, and held my head up high and say, 'This is me. Megann. I am special, different and I've a heart like no other. And I love him, and Idc what others think about him because he is MY choice"
Friday, February 25, 2011
So is this the part where I come in with jealousy and sour tears rolling down my cheeks? 'Cause if it is, then I don't wanna be a part of this anymore. I know you're nice enough to tell me all your stuff but, I don't wanna get hurt anymore. And tonight was too much, definitely too much! I cried while you were telling me everything about her, what's the matter with me? I thought I was over you since our last trip together? Seriously. I've gotta get my act together again before I really lose it loco!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I think I wanna marry you.
I love Ivena Hon Pin Pon :D
Hey there! School's been great and I've been doing my homework as well! Hardworking eh? :P
Well , can't really blame me la cos this year I seriously gotta do some catching up with my work! wooots! So yeah anyways , just another short post , not even emo!
'Cause , I'm finally feeling better!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Sometimes, everybody just needs a friend.
Alright, everything is getting so outta hand already. First this then that? What else is gonna happen? I feel enough pain already. Idk what's wrong with me all of a sudden but, I keep thinking about death.
I'm only like, 16 going 17 soon, and I'm thinking about death. Damn wtc right? Exactly! And it's making me so darn miserable! Also, I feel so far away from all my friends. Why is it that I feel that way? Is it because I feel so, different from them? Or is it just cause I don't spend time with them or don't like what they like? Or maybe it's 'cause I'm just not special. Sigh. It's not fair. Why do I feel like that? I thought that I already have EVERYTHING that I need to keep me happy from last year onwards after everything changed 360 degrees?
Maybe I was wrong. I really need a reality check right now.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Where's the super glue to fix that broken mirror in my heart?
Sayang, I love you. I know that you sometimes read my blog, and if you do, don't worry about my last post, it was just something that I had to let out since I've nobody to let it out to.
If only, just maybe, things would be better this year. Then maybe, everything could be alright? But, no, it had to be the opposite. I'm so lonely. I feel so empty. Why? When I already have everything? Friends and more friends. Why?
Monday, February 7, 2011
Please make my heart a better place.
So, what's gonna happen now then?
We're finally talking again, I like this feeling. But I can't lose all my independence if I happen to screw up. I came too long a way to get screwed up again. And so, I've finally decided to really really focus on me being independent no matter what happens.
I used to love him alot, deeply and madly. I thought we could last forever, but I guess I was wrong. But this year, we're thinking of getting back on track. He lied alot to me last year after we broke up, when he asked for this relationship again I got scared. Not because of him, but because of me. Idk whether I can make this choice as I do not trust myself at all!
But as funny as this will sound, I think somewhere deep in my heart, eventho I've moved on a long time ago, I still feel something for him. But it's just that I managed to control my feelings well enough and tell myself that everything is alright, everything is fine. People sometimes ask me about me and him, what was the story, I tell them. As I tell them, I pretend to feel hate and dislike for him, but when I get home and think about what I just said,, I regret. Alot. This is because, what I said to the people about him, about my feelings for him, some were fake. I don't want to hurt myself and them, so I just tell them what they want to hear.
I still remember when I can never spend a day without talking to him. We texted everyday, day and night without fail. He loved me so much, and so did I. But, due to my insecurities at that time, I cheated on him. I felt disgusted with myself. So so disgusted!
But as time passed, we finally broke off. He lied to me, I hurt him to get back at him. He did the same. We were hurting each other so badly. Every morning I used to be so scared of looking at my phone when there was a text. Because I knew that it'd be from him, and it'd be something bad. I hated that feeling every morning when I used to wake up with a strong feeling of hurt coming my way. But still I told myself, 'Megan, just get through the whole day and you'll be fine. you'll be just fine. If people laugh, you laugh. If people smile, you just smile along with them as well. Don't let them see the true side of you. Don't let them worry for you. Just smile eventho your heart is breaking and aching so badly.' I remember that I would tell myself that every morning before I go to school.
You can't cheat the past, neither can you runaway from reality. Whatever that's in front of you will always be the truth no matter what. I felt lonely last year, tears were always dripping down my cheeks. Every night I would think and think and THINK. I can never stop thinking last year. I lost myself, I lost my heart, I lost my soul, I was no longer that Megan where everybody sees and smile at. I'm not Megan anymore, I lost myself completely.
But now, everything changed! He told me that he honestly wants this relationship back, honestly, I want it back too. But it's hard to trust again after so many lies. But I'll try. I'll even keep my promise to him. I love him, I suddenly really love him again. I want to talk to him every night possible, I want to text him everyday whenever I'm bored. I want to see him frequently again. I just want him back. But, I'm also telling myself this, ONE STEP AT A TIME. Trust first.
I love you.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Don't tear me down.
FIRST OF ALL ! VERY IMPORTANTLY , I SHALL WISH ALL OF YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE A VERY VERY VERY HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR :D
Yes! How fast can it get seriously? It's already February and my first term test is coming soon. Guess when? It's on my birthday month! Wth D; not fair man! Grrr.
So yeah anyways, just wishing ALL OF YOU another very happy chinese new year. And yes, half the pictures have been posted up in Fb :) go check it out yourselves!
I super loveeeeeeeeee this outfit of mine!
Top and bottom are from Kitschen and my heels are from Charles & Keith.
Ohh , lovely Charles & Keith :)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
This is the part where I say, Goodbye sucker.
I think, this might be the part where I regret liking you again and regret having to TRY to do something.
I think this is also the part where I'm supposed to get really hurt and feel disgusted with myself because of me believing all your lies and having to console you and pity you for NOTHING.
I hope you don't ever talk to me again. Thank you very much.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
For once, I wanna listen to others (:
Last year, during one of our cell group meetings, Ianlee decided to do something different. That is to write the good traits about everyone in cell group. And here's what I got:
Soyeah, at the end of the day. I wanna listen to them and excel more in my future. & that's what I'm gonna do starting today! (: